10 Best Relationship Books Recommended by a Couples Therapist
As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I’ve worked with countless couples who want to strengthen their relationships, improve communication, and build deeper emotional connections. One of the first things I recommend to my clients is to dive into some of the best relationship books available. These books provide invaluable insights into love, attachment, and intimacy, and they are my go-to recommendations for anyone looking to improve their relationship. Some of these books also help couples navigate infidelity and betrayal, offering tools to rebuild trust and heal from emotional wounds. If you’re searching for the best relationship books to improve your love life, look no further.
1. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love
By Amir Levine & Rachel Heller
Who It's For:
If you've ever struggled to understand why you or your partner behave a certain way in relationships, this book is for you. Whether you're single, dating, or in a long-term relationship, "Attached" helps identify your attachment style and how it influences your interactions with others.
Why It’s a Must-Read:
This book breaks down the science of attachment theory into easy-to-understand concepts. It helps you recognize whether you have an anxious, avoidant, or secure attachment style and how these styles impact your romantic relationships. By understanding your attachment type, you can develop healthier relationship patterns and deeper emotional connections.
Kayla’s Take: “I love recommending Attached to my clients because it provides so many ‘aha’ moments. Once couples understand their attachment styles, they can shift their communication and build a stronger bond.”
2. Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship
By Terrence Real
Who It's For:
Couples struggling with communication and conflict resolution will find this book incredibly helpful. It’s particularly great for partners who feel stuck in repetitive arguments and want to reconnect on a deeper level.
Why It’s a Must-Read:
Terry Real introduces the concept of “adaptive child” vs. “wise adult” behaviors in relationships, helping couples move away from blame and toward true emotional connection. His practical exercises and real-life examples make it easier to implement changes that lead to a more fulfilling partnership.
Kayla’s Take: “Us does an amazing job of helping couples break free from negative patterns. It’s a must-read for anyone feeling stuck in their relationship.”
3. Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life
By Emily Nagoski
Who It's For:
If you're looking to improve intimacy and better understand your or your partner’s sexuality, this book is a game-changer. It’s especially useful for women and couples who want to break free from misconceptions about desire and arousal.
Why It’s a Must-Read:
Emily Nagoski uses scientific research to explain how our brains and bodies respond to sexual experiences. She debunks myths around libido and desire, helping couples create a healthier, more fulfilling intimate life.
Kayla’s Take: “This book is a game-changer for couples struggling with intimacy. It removes so much guilt and confusion around desire differences and helps partners truly connect.”
4. Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime
By Julie Menanno
Who It's For:
Anyone who wants a secure, lasting relationship will benefit from this book. It’s particularly helpful for individuals who have struggled with trust issues or past relationship trauma.
Why It’s a Must-Read:
This book dives deep into the importance of emotional safety and secure attachment in relationships. Menanno provides actionable steps to build trust, improve communication, and create a foundation for long-term love.
Kayla’s Take: “Secure Love is perfect for those looking to build emotional safety and long-lasting trust in their relationships.”
5. Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples
By Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt
Who It's For:
Couples who feel disconnected, experience recurring conflicts, or want to deepen their emotional intimacy will find this book invaluable.
Why It’s a Must-Read:
This classic relationship book introduces Imago Therapy, a powerful approach that helps partners understand their unconscious relationship patterns. By exploring how childhood experiences shape adult relationships, Hendrix and Hunt offer exercises that strengthen connection and promote healing.
Kayla’s Take: “This book helps couples see their conflicts through a new lens. Once they understand their childhood influences, they can stop repeating old patterns and start truly healing.”
6. Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship
By Stan Tatkin
Who It's For:
If you’ve ever wondered why you and your partner react differently to stress, arguments, or intimacy, this book is for you. It’s a fantastic read for couples looking to improve their emotional intelligence and relational dynamics.
Why It’s a Must-Read:
Tatkin blends neuroscience with relationship psychology, explaining how understanding your partner’s brain wiring can help create a more secure, loving bond. The book includes practical strategies for managing conflicts, deepening trust, and fostering emotional safety.
Kayla’s Take: “This book is a great tool for helping couples better understand each other’s emotional responses and strengthen their bond.”
7. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
By Dr. Sue Johnson
Who It's For:
Couples who want to strengthen their emotional bond and develop better communication skills will greatly benefit from this book.
Why It’s a Must-Read:
Dr. Sue Johnson, the creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), walks couples through seven transformative conversations that promote emotional closeness. This book teaches couples how to recognize and heal negative interaction patterns, leading to a more connected and loving relationship.
Kayla’s Take: “Hold Me Tight is particularly helpful for couples struggling with emotional connection. I use its principles in therapy sessions all the time!”
8. Not Just Friends: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity
By Shirley Glass
Who It's For:
Couples who are dealing with the aftermath of infidelity or individuals who want to understand how emotional affairs develop and how to protect their relationships. This book is also helpful for those who have experienced betrayal and need guidance on rebuilding trust and emotional security.
Why It’s a Must-Read:
This book provides deep insights into emotional and physical infidelity, offering guidance on how to rebuild trust and create healthier relationship boundaries. Glass explains how even seemingly innocent friendships can turn into emotional affairs and provides steps for recovery.
Kayla’s Take: “Not Just Friends is essential reading for couples working through infidelity. It helps both partners understand the betrayal and provides actionable steps to heal and rebuild trust.”
9. The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity
By Esther Perel
Who It's For:
Anyone who has experienced or is struggling to understand infidelity, whether they are the betrayed partner, the unfaithful partner, or someone looking for a broader perspective on the topic. This book is also ideal for those who want to explore the complexities of modern relationships and the societal expectations surrounding monogamy.
Why It’s a Must-Read:
Esther Perel offers a modern and thought-provoking take on infidelity, exploring why people cheat, how affairs affect relationships, and whether healing is possible. She challenges common assumptions about monogamy and encourages open conversations about desire and betrayal.
Kayla’s Take: “This book offers a fresh, insightful perspective on infidelity that doesn’t just focus on blame but instead helps couples understand the deeper issues at play. It’s an eye-opener for many of my clients.”
10. Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
By Esther Perel
Who It's For:
Couples who feel their passion fading and want to reignite intimacy in a long-term relationship. It’s also beneficial for individuals seeking a deeper understanding of the connection between emotional closeness and erotic desire in committed partnerships.
Why It’s a Must-Read:
This book explores the balance between security and desire in relationships, offering insights into keeping romance alive. Perel challenges the idea that deep intimacy and eroticism are mutually exclusive and provides strategies to cultivate both.
Kayla’s Take: “Mating in Captivity is a must-read for couples struggling with intimacy. It helps partners rediscover passion while maintaining emotional closeness.”
Final Thoughts
Relationships take work, and having the right resources can make all the difference. The books on this list offer expert advice, research-backed strategies, and actionable steps to help couples and individuals build stronger, healthier connections. Whether you're working through communication issues, intimacy struggles, or infidelity recovery, these books provide valuable insights to guide you. Investing in your relationship is one of the best things you can do for long-term happiness, so pick up a book, start reading, and begin the journey toward a more fulfilling love life.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
Q: Which book should I start with if I struggle with communication in my relationship?
A: If communication is your main concern, Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson and Us by Terrence Real are excellent choices. Both books provide practical strategies to improve conversations and emotional connection.
Q: Are these books suitable for singles as well?
A: Yes! Books like Attached and Come As You Are are great for individuals who want to better understand themselves before entering a relationship.
Q: Can these books replace couples therapy?
A: While these books offer valuable insights, they do not replace therapy. However, they can complement therapy and help couples gain a deeper understanding of their issues.
Q: What book is best for rebuilding trust after infidelity?
A: Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass and The State of Affairs by Esther Perel are highly recommended for couples navigating infidelity and seeking to rebuild trust.
Q: Are there any books that focus on maintaining passion in long-term relationships?
A: Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel is an excellent resource for couples who want to reignite intimacy and passion in their relationship.
